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  • Writer's pictureFabianna Marie

Relearning how to be me

Our bodies have a beautiful ability to share pieces of our story. By looking at this side-by-side photo, most may think, WOW! Look at the weight loss.

150lb weight lossn
150lb weight loss

And yes, my body has released 150lbs. Unfortunately, the photo doesn’t share the story of what it has taken to get to this point. It also doesn’t share what my body continues to fight. Amazingly, my body has kept me alive while fighting two auto-immune diagnoses (lupus and rheumatoid arthritis), 18 years of battling cancer, and, most recently, a massive surgery to save my life. The weight loss I have experienced is an effect of the stomach and esophageal surgery I underwent. What the body is capable of when it’s working correctly is miraculous. The past 17 months of healing and relearning this vessel I live in have been difficult, freeing, and educational. While it’s an overwhelmingly lovely feeling to experience my body at a smaller size that I haven’t seen in over two decades, the weight loss is the bonus. The miracle is I am still here. I am living, breathing, and thriving. The cancer continues to be an invader in my body, but right now, it is taking a break from growing and causing more complications. The auto-immune diseases rear their ugly heads often, especially when my body is stressed. Within the past two years, I have had a major transformation not only in my body but my spirit as well. The ups and downs have been overwhelmingly frustrating at times. I had to dig deep within my soul to find sunlight in a dark time. As we all know, this life is full of darkness, but I’ve learned to recognize the small rays of light to keep me going. I’ve grown in my faith, my spirit, and my patience. I’ve been schooled in letting things go and handing control over to God. That is not an easy feat when you tend to be a control freak. The inner work has become a daily grind. As much as I thought I was healed from past trauma, I hadn’t even touched the surface of freeing myself. The power of our minds is truly astounding - they can either facilitate healing or obstruct it. The capability of both aiding in the healing process and hindering it - is truly remarkable.

Our bodies are a temple for our spirit. As we treat temples with respect, we should treat our bodies with respect. I forgot this for a long time. The weight gain and mental anguish I experienced with having an undiagnosed auto-immune disease and medication from cancer treatment made me unrecognizable in many ways. I lost sight of the miracle of life.

So how do we do this and honor this miracle if we don’t recognize what our body does for us? Do we truly understand how much our body loves us?

Every second, it is trying to keep us alive. That's all our body has to live for. It’s a well-oiled system that we never honestly think about. Blood vessels carry blood to the lungs for oxygen. Then, your heart pumps oxygen-rich blood through arteries to the rest of the body. Your veins help your body get rid of waste products. And so much more. Our body ensures we breathe while we sleep, stop cuts from bleeding, fix broken bones, and find ways to beat the illnesses we endure. Our body loves us so much. Every system function does its job without us acknowledging it. It can be challenging and often forgotten what a marvel our body is.

The human body is the most extraordinary machine in the world. No other robot, no other machine, even comes close to it. Every second of every day, without skipping a single beat, 24 hours a day, it irrigates, cleans, oxygenates, constructs, and heals. We are living miracles because of this vessel.  This is our one body, the only one we get. I’ve come to cherish my scars, for they are proof I survived. I’ve come to appreciate the lows as it’s taught me the most valuable life lessons. Moving forward, as I share more of my life, I wish to stop worrying when we should be worshipping in the glory of God’s creation. I wouldn’t have survived the past two years, let alone the past eighteen, if not for being a continual student of life and genuinely believing in my purpose here on earth.


Holding you in light and love,

Fab xoxo

150lb difference
150 pound difference

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